Clan Secrets
by crysthur and artheph
Summary: Every clan has their secrets... and they'll never tell... but that's okay, cause we will. Explanations for all those inexplicable situations ABOUND.
1. The Nara Clan

Authors' note: hrm.. so most of the ideas for our stories sprout from some sort of discussion we have about some aspect of the newest episode or chapter or something... this one's no different. This idea came and WHACKED Artheph smack dab in the forehead a couple of days after the manga chapter where Neji and Chouji were brought back all safe and sound... except for a few gaping holes and such... We were very much disgruntled and disturbed and highly amused by the fact that they used a bundle of Neji's hair to fix this gaping hole... and the fact that the hair seemed to have a life of it's own and FLOAT in such an odd way. so Artheph came up with an explanation for it. And just having that one explanation as a single story just seemed way too short, so it sort of.. mutated into this. A collection of stories. All about chakra. and other such things. But mostly chakra.  
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Each clan of Konoha is very unique. Each has its own physical markings…its own special jutsu…its own style of clothing…its own secret chakra supply. Woah. Wait a second. Secret chakra supply? Bet you didn't think of that. But in fact, each clan does have its own sacred possession that members can draw chakra from. Pretty convenient, eh?

Nara Clan

The men of the Nara clan seem to have an odd attachment. To their shirts. Their... MESH shirts. Ever wonder just why it is they choose to wear these mesh shirts? I mean, it can't possibly be because they think it looks good, because it so doesn't. Have you SEEN Shikataro's abnormally high turtleneck? And think about it: Mesh shirts aren't very practical. First off, it's mesh. Meaning there's little tiny holes everywhere. It probably gets pretty drafty and cold. It's amazing Shikamaru didn't freeze to death while Temari was WHOOSHING the wind at him with her HUGE FAN during the chuunin exam. Wearing a mesh shirt just defeats the purpose of wearing any shirt at all. Second: think of the HORRIFIC TANS they must undoubtedly have. Come on, they're ninjas… toiling under the sun for DAYS at a time. Normal shirt tans are bad enough… You've got these nicely tanned arms which give way to pasty whiteness… but MESH shirt tans?? Oh man. It probably wouldn't matter in the beginning… you'd just have a normal shirt tan… but after a while, all those little holes are going to catch up with you. Yeah, sad as it is, it's true: All the Nara men have tans, tans that make them LOOK as if they are wearing a mesh shirt… even when they really aren't. Yeah, it's THAT bad.

But anyways, the point of this whole discussion: The numerous drawbacks of wearing mesh shirts FAR outweigh the… non-existent benefits. So why, WHY do the men of the Nara clan insist on wearing them? Especially Shikamaru, being as logical as he is. There's only one POSSIBLE explanation. Yep, that's right. The Nara clan's mesh shirts are… the hiding place of the SECRET CHAKRA SUPPLY!!! AWK!!! Gosh, they are so sneaky.

It makes perfect sense, I swear. I'm sure if you thought it over, you'd come to the same conclusion. Throw in the fact that the Nara men tend to be lazy bums, and it just totally removes any doubt.

You see, long, long ago, some ancestor of Shikamaru's (complete with an AWESOME manly ponytail and that odd choppy hairline) just HAPPENED to be wearing a mesh shirt… just because it was the ONLY thing left in his closet, and of course, he could not be bothered to actually wash his clothes by himself, what with being a lazy bum and all. So, in typical Nara fashion, he was wandering around, doing nothing in particular. Now, this Nara fellow happened to be pretty smart (Duh, Shikamaru's got to get his super genius from SOMEONE…). As he was lazing around, he got to thinking about all the chakra he was producing, but not using. It seemed like such a waste to him. So this is where his genius tendencies overtook his lazy-bum-tendencies. He decided to SIPHON al his excess chakra into an object… just for safe-keeping. And what better place to put all this chakra than the very shirt on his back? It's your shirt. It's handy, convenient, and RIGHT THERE. Yeah, that's what this Nara fellow thought too. So that's what he did. Of course, this doesn't explain why they wear mesh shirts in particular…

So when this Nara fellow came up with his brilliant idea to store all his excess chakra in his shirt, he began storing chakra in ALL his shirts, mesh and otherwise. But, he soon discovered that wearing a normal shirt laden with chakra was rather irksome and uncomfortable. All that chakra flowing around in his shirt made it rather stuffy… sweating was induced. Heavy sweating. That was just not going to do. He couldn't go around sweating buckets of sweat. It was nasty and disgusting and a total turn-off. So, he started wearing mesh shirts. It was the perfect solution. All those little holes everywhere meant ventilation. And ventilation meant NO SWEAT. So yeah. After this Nara fellow, all the other Nara men started storing their chakra into their mesh shirts as well. And of COURSE, they have to actually WEAR the mesh shirts cause… well, yeah. There. Told you it made sense.


	2. The Hyuuga Clan

Artheph's Note: Yeah, so this WAS supposed to be the first chapter...since it was the Neji thing that gave me this whole idea. But ...it wasn't coming out right, and Crysthur wrote the Nara one in like two periods during school. And I just kinda chucked this one off to the side because it sounded so ugly. So since it was winter break, I decided to just WHOLLY rewrite the chapter. And this is what came out. Enjoy!

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Hyuuga Clan

Have you ever wondered just why the Hyuugas are so strong? What gave them so much strength to handle the Byakugan? And just how did they become one of the leading clans in Konoha? Yeah, you guessed it. It's all in the hair. Just think about it, and it'll make perfect sense. ALL of them have long hair with the lone exception of Hinata. And oh, would you look at that, she's so very… weak. Come on now, you can't deny it. Yeah, she's had her little speech about how she wants to get stronger, and it's all very inspiring, but the fact still remains that yeah… she's just weak. So this has led to the following conclusion: Long hair equals more room for storing chakra, so short hair means less room for storing chakra. Nice and simple, no?

Now someone must have just made a majorly grievous mistake and forgot to tell the clan leader's daughter about this imperative little secret… either that, or Hinata cares more about being fashionable with a cute haircut than about being a good ninja. Though a bowl cut with two bangs in the front isn't exactly what people would call fashionable… or cute, for that matter, but maybe ninjas have different thought processes. That was pretty obvious with the whole "I should kill my clan to prove myself and gain more strength" plan that Itachi had going on. But that's a whole other tangent. So anyway, that's why every Hyuuga has long hair. At least, the strong ones. If you remember Neji's flashback that thoroughly explained why he hates the Main House oh so much, everyone had long hair. Hiashi, Hizashi, and the other clan elders. Just in case there actually _was_ a guy with short hair, I'll just place him in the weak-like-Hinata category. Or maybe they just went bald.

Oh, and that Cloud guy, who attempted to kidnap Hinata and was basically the cause of Neji's hatred, didn't really WANT the Byakugan. Oh no. That was just a cover made up by the Hyuugas. They're lies, all lies. No no, that fellow wanted to bag himself some Hyuuga hair. Through his super-cool-ninja-spying-abilites, he had learned about the secret chakra supply, and he wanted in. Plus, Hyuuga hair is so nice and silky. Makes a perfect wig, don't you think? But he wasn't really that well informed because Hinata has _short_ hair. Or maybe he was just stupid. Or maybe the whole I'll-be-cool-like-Kakashi-and-have-my-forehead-protector-cover-one-eye-but-have-it-cover-my-RIGHT-eye-so-people-don't-think-I'm-trying-to-copy-him look he had disrupted his depth perception. Or length perception. Which I don't think exists. But oh well. Anyways, you wouldn't really get that much chakra out of Hinata's hair. He should have gone for Neji. Though, it's not like that really matters since the Cloud guy was killed by Hiashi, which led to Hizashi being sacrificed, which led to Neji's holding his lifelong grudge.

Furthermore, this just totally explains why they used Neji's hair in his extensive surgery after the rescue Sasuke mission. I'm sure ALL of you were very, very perturbed by that floating little bundle of hair that then proceeded to _melt _its way into filling that huge gaping hole up and making Neji some new skin. Apparently, clans MUST document their secret chakra supplies in case those sacred objects could be utilized in a situation such as this. So, Shizune needed chakra fast for the surgery. She frantically looked around for _anything_. And her eyes fell upon Neji's long hair, not just because it was ever so long, but because she somehow remembered that one little sentence from her medical textbook that said Hyuuga hair holds an immense amount of chakra. Thus, she cut off a chunk of that precious hair and used it to fill the huge gaping hole.

Now after being reminded about the whole surgery deal, I'm sure you wondered how in the world did Neji's hair grow back to its regular length after only ONE chapter? (I don't know about you, but I was definitely looking forward to seeing Neji with short hair… heck, it didn't even have to be short. It just had to be… shortER than before. humph.) See, that's another advantage to having chakra-full hair. It grows back to its original shape and length in _one_ night. No need to worry about having a kunai accidentally cut off a bit or two during a battle or getting gum stuck in it because it'll look _perfectly_ fine the next day. Wow, it WOULD make a good wig. That Cloud guy was really thinking when he thought of his kidnap Hinata plan. Plus, he was bald, right?

So how did the Hyuugas ever think of putting chakra into their hair? No one knows. But one day, some Hyuuga, by the name of Higashi, decided to research just why in the world WERE the Hyuugas so strong. "Byakugan" wasn't a good enough reason. Higashi knew there had to be something more to it. After looking through some ancient scrolls and studying the Hyuugas, Higashi came up with this: somehow chakra is being stored in our hair, and we can somehow draw from it. Yeah, Higashi's research wasn't really that thorough, but it was accepted because it made PERFECT sense. Hey, maybe one of the clan starters had this really awesome forbidden jutsu that put chakra into his long hair, let him draw from it, and made it inheritable, along with the Byakugan. What a thoughtful guy. Now if only someone would tell Hinata, so she can actually get cracking on that whole getting stronger deal…


	3. The Uchiha Clan

Authors' Note: Yes, this was a CONJOINED effort. Actually, the Hyuuga one was too. But I, Artheph, put it up…and I wrote the author's note…okay, yeah that doesn't make up for it. I'm sorry for taking all the credit for writing it. Though I did write most of it…Crysthur just fixed it up a bit…okay never mind. Cough cough. Anyway, this one was MUCH harder to churn out since the Uchihas …aren't really all that funny when compared to the Hyuugas, the Naras, and an upcoming one, the Aburames. Enjoy though!

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Uchiha Clan

A really, really long time ago, the Uchiha clan elders came together for a meeting.

"Have you heard about this secret chakra supply that's going on among all the clans?"

"Yeah! We should think of one too. Wouldn't want to fall behind now, would we?"

"But what would we store our chakra in? It has to be something _good_."

"Something witty."

"Something important."

"Something no one else would think of."

Then one ninja sitting near the back spoke up. This guy was young, yet powerful, for he was an ANBU captain at the tender young age of 13, and one of the true genius products of the clan. Though this guy sounds a whole lot like Itachi, no, it wasn't him. The Uchiha clan just has this knack for producing genius prodigies who become ANBU leaders at ridiculously young ages. Plus, this was WAY before Itachi was born. Anyway, the great genius said, "How about a fan?"

"Brilliant!"

"It's a play on our name!"

"And it's totally not conspicuous…except, it IS conspicuous!"

No one really paid attention to that last statement.

All the elders clapped the ninja heartily on his back. He flinched a little at the touches, but no one noticed or feared that this little flinch might hide some homicidal I'm-going-to-kill-the-clan thoughts. After all, this was pre-Itachi, so there was no such paranoia. And no, this guy was not reincarnated into Itachi. Well…at least I don't think he was… though, who's to say that he wasn't?

But that is the reason why every centimeter of Uchiha-land in Konoha is covered by their little red and white fans that look like lollipops. Yes, fans are indeed the Uchiha secret chakra supply. Now it might seem they've gone a little overboard with the fan decorating, but hey, those little things don't really store THAT much chakra. And you can only have so many HUGE fans that store HUGE amounts of chakra hanging around… which explains the pure over-abundance of the little ones, see?

The nifty fans are also the reason why little Uchihas can only feel worthy of wearing the fan on their backs _after_ they learn the Katon Goukakyuu no Jutsu. It's the first move Uchihas learn that really requires a great load of chakra. Thus, it is the time when they learn to fully utilize and appreciate the fan sitting on the back of their t-shirts.

Unfortunately, this doesn't explain the Uchihas' peculiar affinity for those large, wide collars. Perhaps the collars hide a necklace of fans or something. Or MAYBE, they hide a certain little marking. No, not Orochimaru's curse seal on Sasuke's sexy nape. Maybe, just maybe, all Uchihas have a little fan tattooed onto their body, somewhere near the neck region. Just for some extra chakra or for an emergency if their clothes get torn in a battle. The Uchihas would definitely be thinking ahead. But it doesn't hurt to be prepared, right? Or maybe I'm just reading way too much into this, and the Uchihas just like wearing large collars because their necks get cold. Though, that wouldn't make any sense either… I mean, their little collars are pretty high, sure… but they're so very wide that it doesn't really provide much protection against cold and other such weather related things… In fact, I'm betting Sasuke gets downright drafty at times. PLUS, if those collars really were to protect against the cold, they could just wear a turtleneck… but then again, turtlenecks are just ugly. I mean, have you SEEN Shikataro's turtleneck?? Yeah, I have problems with that thing. So, in conclusion, I have no idea why Sasuke likes wearing shirts with large, wide collars.

Now you might be thinking…tch, what is this loser talking about? The fan is just a symbol of their clan. But hey, I'm sure the Uchihas were smart, practical people. Might as well make the symbol, if it IS just a symbol, _useful_, right? Plus, if you're going to have a symbol, why choose a fan? It's not exactly inspiring, fashionable, or something that would instill fear in an enemy. Plus, none of the OTHER clans have symbols. So, no, it's not a symbol. It's their secret chakra supply that the Uchihas PRETEND is just a silly symbol so they'd have an excuse to smear it everywhere. And I mean, EVERYWHERE. I bet they have fan-decorated shower curtains, fan-shaped placemats, and even, fan-engraved bedposts. But you know… they don't actually have any fans. At least I've never seen one. Right.


	4. The Aburame Clan

Authors' Note: Oh man, we'll never get sick of writing these. Though it does get pretty hard to churn out some new ideas, especially for the clans that aren't really funny. I'm really surprised I got this much out…considering Shino nor the Aburames really get that much development. But they're pretty easy to bash…sorry Shino!! Anyway, enjoy!

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Aburame Clan

Aburame Shino's favorite store was the Sunglass Hut. It was unexplainable…at least for him. Whenever he walked into the store, whenever he was surrounded by the cases of sunglasses, he felt power surge through him. It warmed him to his very fingertips. He felt happier and lighter, as if all his worries were put away for the moment. Shino would even let a grin come up on his face whenever he stepped into the Sunglass Hut. But it's not like anyone could see it because of his extremely large collar that covers up half his face. Anyway, it was like his second home. If he ever got sick of being a ninja, he'd definitely be a Sunglass Hut store clerk. So why did Shino get the feeling as if his very soul was being replenished when he walked into a Sunglass Hut? Yep. Sunglasses were the Aburames' secret chakra supply. Shino will learn all about that when he reaches the age of fourteen. Apparently, in the Aburame clan, the age of fourteen is when boys truly reach manhood and girls truly reach womanhood, and these newly turned fourteen-year-olds would learn all the clan secrets, including the one about their precious shades. But as of now, since Shino's only like twelve, he merely knows that some inexplicable, subconscious voice told him to NEVER take off his sunglasses. Or maybe it was his dad. Regardless, he'll finally understand when he comes of age. The sad thing is…we'll never ever get to see his eyes. But maybe the sunglasses hide some disgusting deformity that would make non-Aburames fall dead at the sight. …Let's not think about that right now.

Now, the Aburames were torn between having the sunglasses or their overly large collars be their secret chakra supply. Both had that mysterious-hide-the-identity-and-freak-people-out feel. But as they pondered more about it, the more cons they saw in the large collars and the more pros they saw in the sunglasses. 1) They would have to eventually take off their huge jackets that have the huge collars during the summer, or they'd die of heat exhaustion. 2) The Uchihas also liked overly large collars. What if they somehow learned about the Aburame secret chakra supply and leeched the chakra right off the Aburames? The Aburames couldn't have _that_ happening, seeing as how they were striving to be one of the leading clans in Konoha, alongside the Hyuugas. 3) You'd _think_ the Aburames would have to take off their sunglasses at night. However, the Aburames have their own sense of logic. See, even if they DID take off their sunglasses at night, they still wouldn't be able to see in the dark, so there'd really be no point in taking off the shades. Makes perfect sense, yeah? At least it does to them, and that's all that matters.

Okay, so this has never been shown in the Naruto anime or manga, but then again, we've never seen the Aburame compound, so you can't really disprove it. The point is: Aburame homes are FULL of cabinets that are FULL of sunglasses. Chock full. Shino probably spends fifteen minutes every morning, trying to decide which pair to wear for the day. Or maybe he has a pattern, like I'll wear this one on the right every other Monday of April and this one on the second to the farthest left every fourth Saturday of every other two months. Now, I should clarify. It may _seem_ as if he's wearing the same pair of shades everyday, but he REALLY isn't. We just don't get those close up looks, so we can't see the designer's subtle details that separate one pair from another. But I will admit, most of Shino's shades are round. It seems those can hold the most chakra. Of course, Shino doesn't _really_ know why he always chooses the round ones. It's that inexplicable, subconscious voice again. Or maybe it was his dad. Minor details like that don't matter. Only the ones on the sunglasses do.

Now, one day, those dandy chakra bugs of the Aburames' were jealous. Of the shades. That's because Aburames spend many, many hours polishing their precious sunglasses after training and mission. The bugs were beginning to feel neglected since hey, the bugs need some lovin' too. So back to that one day. Their jealousy just boiled over, and they felt they HAD to seek revenge on those pampered glasses. Therefore, whilst most of the Aburames were happily sleeping in the dark of the night, a swarm of bugs flew to a cabinet of sunglasses. They were about to destroy the whole mass of shades when they found…they couldn't do it. You see, the sunglasses store chakra that's well…from the bugs. So, the bugs would be…destroying themselves if they destroy the glasses. After all, the Aburames draw chakra from their bugs. Basically, they don't even need a secret chakra supply in the first place. But they didn't want to be left out of the clan trend of coming up with a secret chakra supply, so they had their whole discussion thing about whether to have their collars or their shades be their secret chakra supply holders, even though it was all pretty pointless. Anyway…after the whole try-to-destroy-the-sunglasses escapade, the bugs have come to terms with the shades. Go sunglasses!


	5. The Inuzuka Clan

Artheph's Note: You'd think after this many chapters, I'd get used to typing "chakra." But I STILL misspell it every time I type it. Chakra. Yeah, misspelled it as I typed it out right there. So recently, in case any of you guys cared, Crysthur and I have been trying to build up our self-restraint, so we can build character. Hah, yeah right. Anyway, we're currently on a two-week-long ban of fanfiction. That does not include Link and Luigi's "Sasuke" though…heh. AND of course that does not include updating our stories…obviously. The whole point of this is…it's pretty hard for us. Both of us have almost gone over the line, but we were able to stop just in time. Whew. Yeah, I know we sound really pathetic. But hey, if you're reading this, you're probably really addicted as well, right? So I think you should take a step back and respect our pitiful attempt to get ourselves un-hooked. BUT, I don't think you should also take a two-week-long ban of fanfiction until AFTER you read this. one of those smiley face things Enjoy!

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Inuzuka Clan

Kiba has really sharp teeth. Have you ever noticed that? They're so sharp, they're actually fangs. Yep, fangs are the Inuzukas' secret chakra supply. But it_ has_ to be fangs. No flat, rectangular teeth. Fangs. Unfortunately for little Inuzukas, until they reach a certain age, their teeth don't like to stay in that ever so sharp shape. And sadly, Kiba has not reached that age yet. Therefore, Kiba has to visit the dentist to get his teeth filed down to a pointy…point every three months. Now you'd THINK Kiba would've built a resistance or an indifference towards dentists, seeing as how he's been to one every three months for the past twelve years. However, Kiba absolutely _detests _the dentist. He HATES going on those stupid dentist trips. It has something to do with him gagging even when the dentist only puts one finger in his mouth. But recently, Kiba's been able to handle the dentist filing his front couple of teeth by breathing deeply and trying to think about what the best brand of shampoo for Akamaru's fur is. However, when those cotton pads placed between the teeth and the side of the mouth and under the tongue go in, Kiba starts hyperventilating. And he begins to salivate. A lot. So the dentist has to constantly keep that tube that sucks up your spit like a vacuum in Kiba's mouth, which only makes him gag and salivate even more. Usually by this time though, Kiba's under some heavy sedatives. The dentist has learned after twelve years of filing the same boy's teeth every three months.

Now the interesting thing about Inuzuka fangs are they can't fall out. Even baby…fangs since they're just chock full of chakra. So what happens when the regular (not the baby) teeth start growing in? If the baby teeth can't come out…that's right, a whole NEW row of teeth forms! So by the time an Inuzuka's an adult, he or she has two rows of teeth, much like a shark. Hah, JUST KIDDING! That would just be plain silly. Inuzuka teeth DO fall out, just like regular baby teeth. But since the clan doesn't want to waste precious chakra, they string the fallen-out-baby-teeth onto a necklace. Sort of a…chakra-full memoir from childhood. How sentimental.

So teething must REALLY hurt for Inuzuka babies. I mean, if regular teething hurts, think of chakra-full teeth. Ouch. Inuzuka infants just broke through those feeble teething rings as if the plastic was nothing. This posed a problem because the only other thing the clan could think of was wood, which wasn't very sanitary. Thus, some Inuzuka entrepreneurs came together and furnished the very first chakra-strengthened teething rings. Pretty soon the product leaked out of the Inuzuka grounds and other clans were lining up for the top-notch Inuzuka teething rings. The little business blossomed into a huge mass production industry, and if you walk around Konoha nowadays, you'll find billboards saying, "Buy the best teething rings now! Inuzuka teething rings are the way to go!" And because the industry got so big and prosperous, it requires many, many workers. Therefore, once Inuzuka ninjas retire, they usually go into the teething ring business. It's a great back up retirement plan. Good pay, easy work, and you're doing the world a good deed by manufacturing chakra-strengthened teething rings for the poor suffering babies.

Now you'd think the Inuzukas would have developed a whole bunch of crazy jutsus that utilize their extra strong teeth. Like…Ultra Bite no Jutsu or Teeth Enlargement no Jutsu. After all the Inuzukas are pretty much dogs in human form, so I'm sure they don't really care about their mouths being on other people's body parts. But …now here's the sad part…Inuzukas are _paranoid_ about breaking, or merely chipping, their teeth. Much like how women worry about breaking their nails. They can't bear to have imperfect chompers, even though Inuzuka fangs have a much less chance of getting scratched compared to regular teeth. Yet, the Inuzukas cannot be persuaded to use their precious teeth in battle. It's really quite pathetic. They're missing out on such a great opportunity to rise up in the ranks of great clans….though maybe biting people isn't really something to be proud of. Anyway, the Inuzukas are such pansies when concerned with their teeth. It might have to do with the famous Inuzuka legend of a powerful Inuzuka ninja. This guy could kill ten ninjas with one throw of a kunai. He even developed jutsus using his chakra-full teeth. But during one battle, while he was growling and baring his chompers that he had multi-sized, some enemy haphazardly threw a shuriken at the great warrior. The shuriken miraculously hit a tooth, but it chipped off a bit on the bottom of his front fang. He bore the pain and proceeded to whip the other guy's ass. Then, he went on to whip 47 other ninjas' asses. However, at the end of the day, the one minorly chipped tooth somehow totally drained out his life source, and the Inuzuka hero died. At least, that's what the legend says. The guy probably just ran out of chakra, or it might've been that cancerous mole on his left earlobe.


	6. The Yamanaka Clan

Authors' Note: Okay, so this story right here was written by me, Crysthur. BUT, due to certain circumstances which I shall outline right now, the author's note shall be from both of us. JOY! So I'm sure that for quite a few of you, January is a month that's not very welcome. I mean, yeah, sure, my birthday just HAPPENS to be in this month, but alas, great as that is, it cannot offset the horribleness that is… DUN DUN DUNNNNN, the end of the semester. Ahh, yes. And with the end of the semester comes… DUN DUN DUNNNNNN… finals. That pesky little word that both of us are beginning to despise with a passion. For the past week, we have been doing nothing but study. Study study study. We're SO VERY SICK OF IT. Ahh, and tomorrow, the day finally comes when finals actually begin. From then, it's just FOUR FULL DAYS OF PURE, UNADULDERATED CRAPPINESS. OH WOE IS US! SOBS So, in conclusion, the reason we have not been updating is because we're too busy trying to stuff every piece of information we possibly can about European history and electrons into our heads to think about writing. Oh, and to all of you out there who are going through the same thing we are, we feel your pain. And all of you out there who are laughing at us because you've already got your finals over with… I hate you. Not really. But close enough. On another note, we JUST could not withhold this little observation from you, special reader. Remember that little tiny Sasuke scene from the Neji episode a couple of weeks back? Yeah, the one where Sasuke's hair is all crazed up and his arms are spread outwards? Much like…JESUS? I SWEAR, now I'm not trying to make fun of religion or anything, but HECK, Sasuke REALLY, REALLY looks like Jesus. Well, ok, not LOOK, but…was in the same position as Jesus. And that REALLY disturbed us. I mean, Sasuke's hair was already all wacked and ugly, and then Kishimoto or the anime people just HAD to put him in the same position Jesus was as he was crucified. But Neji was pretty sexy in some parts…except he looked like Haku at the end, which was almost as disturbing the Sasuke/Jesus thing. Wow…this is a really long authors' note…I bet you'd like to get to the chapter now eh? Then, enjoy!

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The Yamanaka Clan

Yamanaka Inoshi was walking down the street one day. If one observed him closely, one would notice that he would stop occasionally and place his hand in his pocket, glancing at whatever was in there while shooting furtive looks around him. Then, he would withdraw his hand, apparently reassured, and continue on walking, only to stop a couple of minutes later and repeat the process all over again. If one had x-ray vision, one could use this awesome x-ray vision power to see that this mysterious object in Inoshi's pocket that had his underwear all up in a twist was nothing more than a measly little flower. But of course, no one ever observes Yamanaka Inoshi closely, for he is just a less-than-minor character who is the father of a slightly less less-than-minor-character. And why, oh why, would such a manly man as Inoshi be obsessing over a flower in his pocket? Well, obviously, flowers are the secret chakra supply of the Yamanakas. A durr.

Now, you might be thinking, "So what… flowers store chakra?" No no, you misunderstand. Okay, yeah, that's true, but it's not the only thing that's true. See, the Yamanaka clan's secret chakra supply is special. They are not like all the other clans. Not only do these flowers store chakra… they also PRODUCE chakra. Whoa. So now, you might be thinking, "So… flowers store AND produce chakra?" No no, you misunderstand. I mean, how is it possible that it JUST SO HAPPENS that the Yamanakas are the ONLY ONES who know about the SECRET CHAKRA STORING AND PRODUCING ABILITIES OF FLOWERS? Of course not. That would just be plain silly. See, the Yamanakas actually BREED their own special chakra-storing-AND-producing-flowers. So if you're thinking, "So… the Yamanakas breed special mutated flowers which store AND produce chakra?" You'd actually be right.

This also conveniently explains just why such a manly man as Inoshi owns a flower shop. I mean, it's the perfect cover. No one would ever think twice about why Inoshi or anyone else in the Yamanaka clan always seems to have a flower on their person. They'd just pass it off as, "Oh, it's from the flower shop that the clan owns. I can't IMAGINE how it got into my pocket." So basically, the flower shop is just a front. All those flowers they sell in there are just wimpy normal flowers that do not have any special chakra storing AND producing abilities. Oh no, the special mutated chakra-storing-AND-producing-flowers are all in a secret laboratory in the back. Think… mad scientist-like laboratory. With Inoshi wearing a pair of those dorky chemistry goggles and a white lab coat… with his manly ponytail (though not NEARLY as manly as the manly ponytails the men of the Nara clan sport, just because the blondness of Inoshi's hair takes away from the manly-ness) all askew. And he's bent over a little Petri dish with some dirt in it, watching a little tiny sprout with a fanatical fervor in his eyes. "Yessss, grow my little special mutated chakra-storing-AND-producing-flower… GROW!!" Evil cackles ensue. Yes, this is, in fact, how Inoshi spends most of his time when he's not out on a mission or walking down the street while neurotically checking his pockets for his special mutated chakra-storing-AND-producing-flower. Yeah… he's just a wee bit obsessed. Just a little bit.

So how exactly DID these special mutated chakra-storing-AND-producing-flowers that only the people of the Yamanaka clan know about come to be? Well, you may not know this, but Konoha has a secret organization called Scientists **W**ho **U**se Chakra In Their **S**cience Experiments, or **WUS** for short. Okay, so yeah, you'd THINK that they'd make is **SWUCITSE **for short, but they decided that that was way too long and far too hard to pronounce to be a very effective abbreviation, so they settled for... **WUS**. Don't ask why. So anyways, **WUS** members aren't actually ninjas… no, they're SCIENTISTS who just… HAPPEN to have chakra that they use in their science experiments. So one day a long time ago, an exceptionally bright **WUS** member was experimenting on flowers and suddenly found himself with a flower that stored AND produced chakra.

"GASP!!!" he gasped. "I MUST go inform the other **WUS** members of my ASTONISHING achievement!! This will REVOLUTIONALIZE BOTANY AS WE KNOW IT!!" and he ran off into the streets holding his special mutated chakra-storing-AND-producing-flower out at arm's length like the geek that he was.

Now, this exceptionally bright **WUS** member was really very excited about his find. I mean, who wouldn't be? Flowers that stored AND produced chakra? Hot diggity. So he wasn't really looking where he was running, and what do you know, he ran SMACK DAB into some ancestor of the Yamanaka clan. Whilst this exceptionally bright **WUS** member was groveling on the floor in pain, the random ancestor of the Yamanaka clan grew curious as to why this fellow was running around carrying a flower at arm's length… so he did what any normal person would do and completely invaded the guy's privacy by entering into his mind using one of those awesome mind jutsus the Yamanakas are famous for. Thus, this random ancestor of the Yamanaka clan found out about the special mutated chakra-storing-AND-producing-flowers. And of course, doing what any normal person would do, he took the special mutated chakra-storing-AND-producing-flower to use for his clan's secret chakra supply and wiped the unfortunate, though exceptionally bright **WUS** member's memory. So in this totally immoral way, these special mutated chakra-storing-and-producing-flowers became the Yamanaka clan's secret chakra supply. And that exceptionally bright **WUS** member never knew just how ripped off he was.


	7. The Akimichi Clan

Author's Note: LOOK! IT'S THE VERY LAST CHAKRA SUPPLY STORY! GASPPPP! yeah, took me a long time to get this out. well, not really. it took me a long time to GET TO writing this out. the actual writing didn't take that long. heh. sorry guys. but it's all good now, cause IT'S DONE. HUZZAH! on behalf of Artheph and myself, I'd just like to say that we seriously enjoyed writing these. they were awesome fun. and we hope you enjoyed too.

Crysthur

BY THE BY! I didn't mean for this chapter to be offending to anyone. so please don't be offended.

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Let's face it. Akimichi Chouji is fat. In those episodes where Chouji was reminiscing about his childhood where we got a look at lil Chouji, maybe, just maybe, we could have said that lil Chouji wasn't fat; he was merely big boned-ed. But now, there's really no denying it. Chouji is fat. Big boned-ed-ness cannot account for his size. Especially when you factor in his affinity for po-TA-to chips. Yeah, Chouji's fat. Or maybe it's a combination of big boned-ed-ness and fat. That would work too. Then you've got Chouji's big ol' jolly dad Chomaru. I highly doubt there's anyone out there who would deny that Chomaru is fat. I also highly doubt that there was ever a time when Chomaru's fatness could possibly be passed off as big boned-ed-ness, even when he was a little tyke. It's just inconceivable. And since we're being honest here, let's just go all out: Chomaru isn't just fat. He has transcended the point called "fat." He has reached: morbid obesity. So from the fact that both Chomaru and his son Chouji are rather… large, to put it nicely, we can deduce that the entire Akimichi clan is probably rather large. But before we just pass the Akimich clan off as that group of rather large, rotund people who are all related to each other, let us consider just why each member of the clan shares this peculiar rotundness. Oh, I know. It's because fatness is the AKIMICHI CLAN'S SECRET CHAKRA SUPPLY! HUZZAH!

Right, so if you think about it, fat as the Akimichi secret chakra supply actually makes sense. At least, it's got more support in the series than some of our other secret chakra supplies have had. But anyways, moving on.

Evidence point #1: Well, this one was already kind of stated before, but just to be repetitive, let's state it again: the fact that ALL the Akimichi clan members are fat can't POSSIBLY be a coincidence. And if it was, it's an awfully LARGE coincidence… no pun intended. Actually, it was. But let's just pretend it wasn't. Err… oh yes. So there must be a reason why all of them are fat. And it makes perfect sense to say that they store chakra in their fat, thus, making fat their secret chakra supply.

Evidence point #2, which I swear will make more sense that evidence point #1 did: We've got a wonderful case-in-point that proves this entire supposition for you. In a recent episode of the anime, we got to see Chouji whup some ugly-troll-looking-Jiroubou ass. And if I may say so myself, that was an awesomely cool episode. But back to the point. In order for Chouji to whup some ugly-troll-looking-Jiroubou ass, he had to take a couple of pills which make his chakra levels shoot WAY UP. In fact, that last pill he took made all his chakra SPILL out of him, giving him some uberly cool-looking butterfly wings in the process. And when his chakra SPILLED out of him, he suddenly became sexy skinny. Let's reiterate: When his chakra spilled out of him. He became sexy skinny. So, for those of you who find it hard to follow along, the fact that Chouji got sexy skinny when his chakra started whooshing out of him in large amounts implies that his chakra is what causes him to be rotund, which, in turn, implies that his fat is chakra. This does not, however, mean that his chakra causes him to be un-sexy, which some people might think is the case since his chakra whooshing out of him left him sexy skinny. It's just his general fatness that makes him un-sexy. Though… if his un-sexyness is caused by his fatness… and his fatness is caused by his chakra… I suppose if you wanted to look at it THAT way, yeah, his chakra also causes his unsexiness. But that's besides the point. The point is, and I think I have made it ridiculously clear: Fat is the secret chakra supply for the Akimichi clan.

Evidence point #3, which isn't really an evidence point, it's more of a situation, but just to go with the flow of the rest of the story, I'm making it into an evidence point: Let's talk liposuction. Yeah, there is such a thing as liposuction in Konoha. In fact, it was the Akimichi clan who brought this quick fix for all those insane people who think sticking a tube into their body and turning on a vacuum to suck out all the fat they have is healthy to Konoha. See, the wise elders of the Akimichi clan had heard tales of this procedure in which fat was suctioned out of people. They put their round heads together and decided, hey, if we store our chakra in our fat, imagine how much chakra we'd be able to store if we got OTHER people's fat AS WELL! So they did a little research, invested in some start-up companies to get a little money rolling in, and within a year, bought their first liposuction machine and set up a surgery clinic in the outskirts of Konoha. To say that it was a smashing success would be an understatement. All those random villagers you see walking around in the episodes are skinny for a reason. It's all thanks to liposuction. Sadly though, the Akimichi clan's brilliant plan to store chakra in other people's fat didn't work out as well as they hoped. Sure, they could store chakra in it, but then they'd have to carry around bags of people's fat with them, and that was just a level of grossness no one in the clan wanted to sink to. You'd THINK they would have considered this point beforehand… but whatever. Anyways, even with their chakra-storing-plans down the drain, they continued with their surgery clinic which eventually expanded from liposuction to all sorts of cosmetic surgery procedures like botox and face lifts. Hey, they needed the money. It's not easy to feed an entire clan of morbidly obese people.


End file.
